When “Family” Is Complicated
Global Family Day invites us to pause and think about the people we call family. It is often framed as a celebration — of togetherness, belonging, and unconditional support. But for many women and girls, especially those from Black and minoritised communities, the word family carries layers of meaning that are far more complex.
Family can be a place of love and protection.
It can also be a place of silence, pressure, control, and harm.
At Anah Project, we know that both truths can exist at the same time.
When Home Is Not Always Safe
For some women, family is where abuse begins — or where it is hidden. Harm can be normalised behind closed doors, justified as discipline, culture, tradition, or concern. Loyalty is demanded. Silence is expected. Speaking out can be framed as betrayal.
In these situations, the idea of “family first” becomes a trap rather than a comfort.
Leaving an abusive environment is rarely just about leaving a partner. It can mean distancing yourself from parents, siblings, extended relatives, and entire community networks. It can mean losing the people who raised you, celebrated with you, and shaped your sense of identity — even when those same people have also caused deep harm.
This is why decisions around safety are never simple. And why judgement, even when unintentional, can be so damaging.
Love, Obligation, and the Weight Women Carry
Women are often positioned as the emotional glue of families. They are expected to absorb conflict, maintain harmony, and carry responsibility for everyone else’s wellbeing. Endurance is praised. Sacrifice is normalised.
When harm occurs, women are frequently asked:
- to be patient
- to forgive
- to think about the family’s reputation
- to keep going “for the sake of everyone else”
Rarely are they asked what they need to feel safe.
On Global Family Day, it is important to recognise how deeply these expectations shape women’s choices — and how difficult it can be to imagine life outside of them.
Redefining Family After Harm
For many survivors, healing begins with redefining what family means.
Family does not have to be biological.
Family does not have to be permanent.
Family does not have to hurt.
For some women, family becomes a trusted friend, a support worker, a peer group, or a community that listens without judgement. For others, it is found gradually — through moments of safety, shared understanding, and consistent care.
At Anah Project, we see the power of chosen family every day. Women supporting women. Trust being rebuilt slowly. Relationships formed not through obligation, but through respect.
These connections do not replace loss — but they do offer something equally vital: dignity, agency, and hope.
Holding Space for Complexity
Global Family Day is not about celebrating an idealised version of family. It is about acknowledging reality — in all its messiness and contradiction.
It is about recognising that:
- You can love your family and still need distance
- You can grieve people who are still alive
- You can honour your roots while refusing harm
- You can choose yourself without abandoning your values
There is no single way to navigate family when safety has been compromised. Every woman’s journey is different, and every decision deserves compassion.
A Gentle Reminder
If today brings up difficult feelings, you are not alone. If the idea of family feels heavy rather than joyful, that does not mean you are ungrateful or broken. It means your experiences matter.
On this Global Family Day, we honour all forms of family — including the ones women build for themselves when the families they were born into could not protect them.
And we continue to stand beside women as they define belonging on their own terms.
